This is going to be the second journal entry in a week. I believe that that is not a good sign. I have a feeling a third is already on it's way.. The last term of my freshmen year started as of yesterday and I am not surprised that I skipped class today. The first day back in school wasn't great. In fact it was terrible.. it wasn't even in the same neighborhood as great. I felt extremely restless and out of place. All that I want to be at was home, in the comfort of my room.
And what's worse was how I couldn't sleep last night. I spent a couple of those precious sleeping hours crying silently. I don't know why but that was what I did. I laid there and wallowed in my sorrows and self-pity. And I constantly found myself repeating this, "I cannot do this anymore. I can't. I can't." in my head over and over again till the tears dried up and all that I felt was numbness. I wished it stopped there but it didn't. It was like I was stuck in a horrible nightmare on repeat and I couldn't find a way out. There was no way out.. I wanted it all to stop. just stop. I don't think my heart can take even one more drop of tear. Silly isn't it? There I was.. lying on the floor of my bedroom in the dark wide awake, thinking of you and being afraid that the sound of my heart breaking might wake everyone up. But what about you? You were probably asleep..

"I wish I can say that I love you enough to bear with the not knowing...
but if I do, I'd then be lying."